Finding God in Gay


Learning to find God in all things can be tricky, but it can get even more daunting to find God in the darkness of rejection, discrimination and prejudice.

Like many other gay men, I left the Catholic Church on a quest to find God and be the man He created me to be. It became increasingly clear that I could not do that and remain in a place that told me there was something wrong with the way that God made me. I was no longer accepted in my own home. I do want to make it clear that there are many wonderful people in the church who have shown me God’s love and acceptance. I was fortunate enough to find a supportive Catholic community near my home and I count it as a blessing, because such a community is truly uncommon today.

I didn’t have to grapple with my gay orientation for too long. I was accepting of who I was from the beginning, which was a blessing and a grace in many ways, though I did feel the sting of rejection from a place that was supposed to be my home. I consider my brothers and sisters who have not been as fortunate and I feel compassion for those men and women who struggle with self-hatred and condemn themselves to a life of secrecy, those who are constantly bombarded with messages telling them they are freaks. I think of the kids being bullied at school who then go to mass with their parents and hear anti-gay remarks. I wonder how many teenagers who kill themselves also went to church with their parents and heard those things. And mostly, I wonder where God is in the midst of all this.

“You are fine the way I made you”
I constantly struggle with the answer to that question, but I do know that who God made me to be has been a gift. I have learned that love has many faces and styles. I’ll never forget watching Chely Wright—the country singer who came out—describe her experience. She said she remembered praying to God to make her straight when she heard a still small voice saying, “You are fine the way I made you. Proceed as you are.” Her words resonated deep within me. That is a powerful message for everyone, but especially today’s youth.

We find God in the diversity of creation and we find God in love – whatever form that takes. We can also find God when we are rejected and abandoned. Jesus was rejected because most narrow-minded people have little capacity to receive the all-encompassing love of Christ. Jesus preached of loving your neighbor and accepting everyone as brother and sister. Sadly, many Pharisees found this loving message absolutely appalling. Even more, Jesus made the human sacred. He blessed diversity. He associated with all types of people – some of whom were of questionable character.

Whenever we are being our authentic true selves—the selves that God created us to be—we will meet some level of rejection. But we can find God in the love within us and in communities that accept and affirm us. We can find God in people like Chely Wright who was a voice for all gay people who have no voice. God can be found in that still, small voice, “You are fine the way I made you, proceed as you are.”

The voice of Christ
And we also find God in hope. Hope for the future. That acceptance and change will happen. It already is. There are many voices speaking out in favor of that change. I believe there is hope that we will come together as one big human family and “love one another as Christ has loved us.” I pray to be a part of that change and I pray that together we can play a part in helping to end teen suicide over one’s sexual orientation. I pray that all my brothers and sisters would know that they are loved and created in the image of God who has created diversity when it comes to love.

I believe that it will be the small communities that meet outside of the institutional church that will make the difference in this world; the lay people and the clergy who actually follow Christ that will make a difference by their efforts and sacrifices, people like Jeanine Grammick and the late Mychal Judge and many others who are standing up against injustice. It’s the quiet nuns that live in obscurity taking care of AIDS patients and the small welcoming communities who worship in the seclusion of their own home who are making the difference. The men and women who have the courage to be who they are in the face of rejection and ridicule and those who minister to the ones who cannot be themselves — they show me the Kingdom of God. These people are the true church and the face of Christ for me.

*This post originally appeared on the God In All Things blog. It can be found @

Our Culture May Be Making Us Sick: Mentally Ill America

Virtually everyone has had a personal experience with mental illness or has known someone who has. It’s a growing epidemic in our culture and the awareness many people are trying to create around it is expanding.

But what causes mental illness and why is it so prevalent in America? Some suggest that our culture is, in fact, “driving us crazy.”

Bruce Levine writes in his article, Living in America will drive you insane — literally:

“A June 2013 Gallup poll revealed that 70% of Americans hate their jobs or have “checked out” of them. Life may or may not suck any more than it did a generation ago, but our belief in “progress” has increased expectations that life should be more satisfying, resulting in mass disappointment. For many of us, society has become increasingly alienating, isolating and insane, and earning a buck means more degrees, compliance…inauthenticity. So, we want to rebel. However, many of us feel hopeless about the possibility of either our own escape from societal oppression or that political activism can create societal change. So, many of us, especially young Americans, rebel by what is commonly called mental illness.”

It seems more and more, our culture expects us to fit a mold and a norm. We need to conform even if it means sacrificing our personhood and our spirit. You can only imagine what long term effects this must produce. Things like severe depression, identity crises, and a laundry list of anxiety disorders.

In their book, The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement, psychologists Jean Twenge and Keith Campbell examine why our society is becoming too self-absorbed.

“Narcissism—an inflated view of the self—is everywhere. Public figures say it’s what makes them stray from their wives. Parents teach it by dressing children in T-shirts that say “Princess.” Teenagers and young adults hone it on Facebook, and celebrity newsmakers have elevated it to an art form. And it’s what’s making people depressed, lonely, and buried under piles of debt.”

Sadly, narcissism is quickly becoming “normal” in our culture, when really it is a mental illness.

The Truman Show Delusion is a disorder where a person believes they are on a reality TV show and their lives are being filmed.  The term, based on the 1998 film The Truman Show, was coined by Joel and Ian Gold, two brothers – one a psychiatrist and the other a nuerophilosopher. Although this disorder has not officially been added to the DSM, it could very well be reflective of our culture which supports being ego-centric and gives people a platform for being famous for no reason. We endorse and promote dysfunction without realizing that is what it is – an abnormality.

So, if our culture can be partly to blame for causing the mental illness, can it also be blamed for its lack of the adequate treatment of it?

Antidepressants and other pills are dispensed like candy from a gumball machine at your local psychiatrist’s office. It seems there is no shortage in pills, but are drugs the answer? These drugs, in some cases, seem to address the symptoms but not the underlying cause. They also may add more complications than good.

Bruce Levine writes, “Examining the scientific literature that now extends over 50 years, Whitaker discovered that while some psychiatric medications for some people may be effective over the short term, these drugs increase the likelihood that a person will become chronically ill over the long term. Whitaker reports, “The scientific literature shows that many patients treated for a milder problem will worsen in response to a drug—say have a manic episode after taking an antidepressant—and that can lead to a new and more severe diagnosis like bipolar disorder.”

Aside from the cause, the treatment and the side effects, there are the stigmas that go along with having a mental illness. These are often the most difficult and harrowing of the side effects.

Many people are socially isolated and hide their illness from those close to them. They feel ashamed and inadequate and rightfully so. Our society looks at mental illness as a deficit and a weakness, rather than something that can be managed very well with the proper emotional and interpersonal support. However, most people do not get the support that they need for various reasons. Mainly shame and fear of judgment keeps them from reaching out. What’s more, someone who is in the middle of a severe depressive episode is not capable of reaching out for themselves…they more than likely need an advocate.

“More than 60 percent of Americans with mental illness do not receive treatment, many of them because they are embarrassed or afraid of being ostracized”, President Obama said, speaking at a White House conference on mental health.

Has America failed when it comes to treating its mentally ill? Many, including myself, would respond with a resounding yes! We have a long way to go at implementing treatment programs that reintegrate the severely mentally ill back into society with dignity and respect. In addition, our culture is materialistic, high-stress, achievement-oriented and overstimulated by excessive forms of media. It values people who are highly productive and wants its members to be half human and half robot. This puts an enormous amount of pressure on the population as a whole and marginalizes the mentally ill.

It’s important to understand that mental illness comes in varying degrees of severity. Even those people with mild to moderate depression and anxiety may still find it difficult to cope in todays high stress and faced paced world. Dysthymia is a milder form of depression that is sometimes defined as “a prolonged and persistent sadness.” It is not as intense as a major depressive episode but still can affect the quality of one’s life.

Fortunately there are many organizations that are helping people with mental illness live more fulfilling lives despite the challenges a diagnosis comes with.

If you or someone you know is seeking help with a mental illness, here are two organizations that work to provide helpful information:

World Federation for Mental Health and Bring Change 2 Mind

*Originally written for Portal to Peace: or